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The thing is...although I didn't have huge expectations, I felt good about it, which from experience, I can tell you, means nothing. Hadn't been down this road in a long, long time...but I've traveled it many times.
I prepared; Lord, how I prepared. But there are always many variables. Just like the years I spent pursuing music and acting. Doesn't get any easier. Especially when you get older and more reluctant to dive into the pool, knowing how it feels to doggy paddle your way to the wall.
And it wasn't just because the day itself was fraught with a strange, unsettling feeling. It wasn't the rain, the God awful restaurant experience that followed, or the self doubt. But something made me come home and pull the covers over my head. Just like I did this morning.
Still, I don't understand. No comprendé. But after such things, you don't get answers. Not the real ones anyway. And truthfully, it was the sweetest rejection letter I'd ever received in many years of such notices. Writers are so much more compassionate than record executives. It was the JLo of "no's" after years of Simon Cowells.
Getting the news first thing on a Sunday morning wouldn't have been my choice. Maybe wait until Monday. Monday sucks anyway. But Sunday? My Sunday was over by 9am.
I don't understand. But it's just one setback. I'll keep on keeping on...listening to my inner voice...listening to my gut.
And I'll be funny next time instead of "poignant" or whatever I thought that was. I "do" funny better.
And I'm gonna stop checking my email first thing in the morning on weekends.
Stream of Consciousness Sunday at Jana's Thinking Place.
The topic this Sunday perfectly encapsulates how I felt first thing
this morning. "I don't understand."
That sucks. I'm sorry. I have yet to get a rejection letter, but I think it is because I have yet to send anything in.
ReplyDeleteThat's actually a good plan. :)
DeleteSaying I like rejection is perhaps wrong but nothing motivates me more. People who think they know it all are a real pain in the butt to people like me that do. I'll show them!
ReplyDeleteMy attitudes and instincts were borne of necessity as a young teen, without them I would have probably been just another statistic. Now later in life they serve me well. It was never my intention or desire to be a writer, others told me I had a story to tell that should be shared. When I received my first rejection it would have been so easy to throw in the towel. I had no ambition in that area, who cares. Now my book will be on the shelves in two weeks time. Okay it might not sell but I have already exceeded expectations.
I am still unfamiliar with the literary world from the other side of the fence but can relate to your rejection. Mine too was sugar-coated and whilst it didn't make me feel any better, I did take on board certain observations the publishers made instead of filing it in the bin.
I have to disagree with your proposed change of tack 'I do funny better than poignant'. You are who you are and should stay true to your instinct. Make MINOR changes by all means but don't sell out just because one person doesn't get it. Poignancy and humour are good bedfellows, their offspring are many and include irony and empathy. Just keep swimming.
Thanks jp for your wonderfully insightful comment. I agree. I always understand going in that competition comes with the territory at some point when with everything I've endeavored and it's that way in life itself, isn't it? I'll keep paddling away. It's kind of a nice release to come here to my little corner of things and offload. There are a lot of massively talented people out there. You're right; we need to stay true to ourselves and keep moving. It really is a great motivator. Every time something isn't happening, I just try to make it happen. Big congratulations on your upcoming book!! Where can I get my hands on it? Will it be available for nook? Yay!!
DeleteThe book is due for release in the next week or two (there are a few technical difficulties with the cover) and I hope to have my copies by the end of March. I am sending a few copies to Donna at 'On the Write Track' for her Reading Festival stall. With them I have allocated three copies for American bloggers which Donna has kindly offered to distribute for me. One has your name on it. To claim the book you will have to liaise with Donna nearer the time. I don't know how good the postal system is but I would anticipate it will be towards the end of April.
DeleteRejection sucks. There's no other word. It just sucks. I'm still waiting to hear back from a literary agent about my book, and that rejection is there. Just there. Hovering. Waiting to reveal itself. And it sucks. However, I love the way this was written. The line about diving and doggy paddling to the wall was genius. It clicked with me. And I loved this. Just loved it. (Except for the rejection. Didn't love that part.)
ReplyDeleteIt does. It just sucks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you Susannah. I'm so glad you wrote a book! I look forward to reading it. You're such a terrific writer - I know you'll get there. Let me know how it goes. xx
ReplyDelete